Friday, May 23, 2008

moody housecleaning fool

I think I've hit the point of my pregnancy officially taking over my life. These days, I'm always aware that someone else is with me. I plan my walks around the possibility that I might have to pee somewhere along the way. Throughout the day, when I change positions (especially when I get up from our smooshy couch), I feel like someone should shout 'heave-ho!'. And besides my mood swings, my brain is working, well...differently. I've become extremely forgetful. Last week, I forgot to go to a doctor's appointment, and I almost never forget a date and a time-I carry a mental calendar with me at all times. I went to the store specifically to get cumin, but the cumin never made it to the check out; I left the little bag sitting on the counter in the bulk spice section. In desperate need of caffeine, I went to buy a soda at the gas station and realized after the clerk rang me up that I had left all my cash in the pocket of the pants I wore earlier in the day. This was after I drove past the gas station I had originally intended to stop at, but forgot.

Mostly, I just don't feel right unless I'm doing something practical. Yesterday I went to the bookstore to hang out and read, but I couldn't concentrate on anything. Everything I picked up seemed like gibberish, and I wondered, is this what it feels like to be stupid? Right there in the middle of Barnes & Noble, I started to feel genuinely sorry for people who don't read well. Even magazines couldn't hold my interest; I flipped through an interior design magazine but became immensely annoyed with the enlarged quotes, "James and Evelyn tore down their 60's tract house and replaced it with this bold, modern structure" Lovely for you, J & E, but tell me, what is the point of your superficial life? I found washing the dishes tonight to be very satisfying, and I'm actually kind of looking forward to vacuuming out my car this week. I remember wanting to tackle all sorts of household chores towards the end of my pregnancy with booga-bear, but this feels more extreme, this is me ready for motherhood on steroids. Or something like that.

I started to look up pregnancy hormone levels out of curiosity, and then thought, what a waste of time-I don't need any graphs to show me that I'm off-the-charts hormonal right now, I'm already fully aware of the fact. Plus, numbers and I have never been the best of friends and certainly are not now. So, little man hitching a ride inside, I'm fully looking forward to the tapering off of whatever wild cocktail you have caused to circulate in my blood and would appreciate your timely arrival. I miss myself.


Melanie B said...

"I feel like someone should shout 'heave-ho!'."

I laughed out loud at that. Oh I know exactly what you mean. Although I tend to be forgetful anyway, so I couldn't really tell the difference when I was pregnant, my husband said he could. But I totally know what you mean about feeling stupid. Sometimes I just felt like my brain was on vacation in the South Pacific.

Franchelle said...

Too funny. . .not necessarily funny for your husband, child, friends, and family. But, for readers like me, totally funny--and totally identifiable. Thanks for letting that hormonal cocktail spill over into your blog!

Noy said...

I feel your pain! Matthew is 4 months old and I finally feel like myself again.

jogger mom said...

yeah...I'd kind of forgotten that there's that whole I'm-too'tired-to-do-anything/ I-don't-have-time-to-do-anything AFTER the birth. But, it's just a phase. Life goes on and is all the more sweeter with a new little one around.